It's interesting how life goes and how fast things change... Something what was bucking you in one moment is suddenly solved or has less priority. And you realise what is really important to you...
Many things happened since I wrote my last post which was just a week ago. It cost me a lot to write and open up again. I changed my last post quite a few times.
However, I had an interesting encounter with someone who was very eagerly to get to know to me. He found me on Facebook and I accepted his friends request due to I was thinking he is one of the travelers who sometimes add me to connect. But it turned out he wasn't and lives in Barcelona. A very handsome and intelligent guy from South America.
I hesitated due to I saw something on his profile. But he wrote very open to me and after writing my post last week I decided to meet him. The day after our date he wrote to me again a very open massage that let me cry because I realized what I have suppressed for quite a while...
Out of the blue
Sometimes I receive friends request from people who are travel blogger or tour guides etc. I accept them due to we support each other.
In the beginning of October I received a Facebook massage in Spanish from a guy who asked me very friendly how my day would be. I had no clue at all who that was but obviously I was friends with him otherwise I couldn't receive his massage. So I guess I accepted him due to I was thinking he is a traveler as well due to his photos. I was curious and saw that he lives in Barcelona. Obviously he wasn't a traveler. On his profile it was difficult to tell how he would look like due to he almost never looked into the camera... That made me even more curious.
I wrote very friendly back and told them that I was checking out a hike I would do on the weekend as if it was the most normal thing in the world to write with someone you don't know. I didn't even ask him why he wrote to me. We wrote a bit more and he told me what he was doing here and I told him about me. He seemed to be a very intelligent, ambitious and sophisticated.
He found my story very interesting. He was always very polite and friendly. No blunt massages just nice. At some point we exchanged phone numbers and he wrote me from time to time on WhatsApp. He wrote that he really would like to get to know to me and that he wouldn't know why just that he would feel like that. I enjoyed his attention and I was curious as well. At that time my boyfriend and I were already kind of separated. Well, like I mentioned in my recent post it was an unhealthy situation for me. He could better deal with that.
Who is Mr X?
Anyway, I was very curious and I checked out the Facebook profile of Mr X. In his pictures he was mostly alone. So he seemed to be single. I checked one of his profile pictures to read the comments. One comment from a girl got my attention and I clicked on her profile.
Well... in her profile she had lots of pictures together arm in arm with Mr X. Ehm... he obviously had a girlfriend but writes with other girls to date with them came directly to my mind. At that point I lost my interest at him. I didn't tell him what I have seen due to I was busy with moving out of my apartment, preparing for my stay in Germany etc. I didn't want to spend too much effort into it. In case he would write to me again I would ask him about it. It wasn't on my priority list and I almost forgot about him.
Sometimes it's good to wait
When I came back from Germany he wrote to me again. I saw it and was ready to ask him. He wrote to me that he really would like to get to know to me but that he just started to meet again with his ex-girlfriend and that he would understand if I don't want to me with him. Ok... That was interesting and actually very honest of him. I haven't reckoned with that... I let him know that I would appreciate his openness but that I would prefer not to meet with him under these circumstances. He understood and said that he wouldn't know why but that he would be very interested in getting to know to me and if I would change my mind I should let him know.
Well, I slept a night over it and on the next day I decided to let him know that I want to catch up with him. I couldn't stand it anymore and it made me curious that he was so eagerly to get to know to me. He was very happy and we confirmed a date in a bar he knew. He said he would like to invite me for a glass of wine... I love these gentlemen things.
Blind date and great to be wrong
I was a bit nervous but not that much because he was very interested to meet me and I was just curious. On my way to the bar it was raining a lot which is quite unusual for Barcelona... I had no clue how he exactly looked like due to in his photos he never looked straight into the camera. So I had a vague idea.
There was a guy walking in front of me who I guessed it might be him and he looked exactly at the same time on the phone when I wrote to him... The guy went into the bar where we confirmed to meet. But this guy wasn't my type at all.
I wrote to my friend Verena that I saw him but it would probably be a short date... I waited outside and send a massage that I would be waiting outside. I imagined how I would pretend to be surprised when he would come out to greet me. The guy in the bar didn't come out. Maybe he was shy...
Instead I received a text of Mr X that said that he was on his way.
Suddenly a very handsome guy with a very nice smile greeted me "Hola Jeanine!". Ohhh I was wrong... How great it felt that I was wrong :-). THAT was my date and now I was nervous.
Red wine, music and nice chat
We sat on a small table and started talking. He asked me if I would drink alcohol due to I'm a Yoga teacher and I said yes. So he ordered two glasses of red wine for us. He was very interesting in the things I do and wanted to know everything. It was really nice that he was so interested. I wasn't used to it anymore. In my just finished relationship I didn't feel like he was interested in the things I do which was actually very sad for me.
Anyway. I had a nice chat with this handsome guy in front of me. The way he looked at me made me very nervous. Very analytically. In between I thought "what if when I don't meet his image he made about me?" but at the same time I thought "Fuck that! That isn't my problem when he makes an image about me without even knowing me!".
It was nice talking with him. I realized very quickly that we lived in different worlds and that was ok. He isn't the one with whom I could build up an evolution center in the future. But I could feel there was a very strong sexual attraction between us...
He is this kind of guy who is very ambitious in the things he does and also likes luxury things and enjoys life in general. And those kind of guys have mostly lots of passion for sex and can let them fall completely into it. That was what I could feel when he looked at me... And that is what I like. Sometimes they take it as a competition which can also be stressful in the long run...
However, after a while we said Goodbye and thanked each other for the evening. He wrote to me later that he liked the evening a lot and my accompany. I said the same.
I wrote to my friend Verena that he wouldn't be the one I would fallen in love with but that he attracted me a lot in a sexual way.
Open words let my cry
On the next day he wrote me a very long and open massage on WhatsApp. I had to cry when I read it. I saw what I was suppressing for quite a while...
His massage was quite simple:
he said very kindly that he really likes me but that he didn't want to deepen our relationship due to he was again in contact with his ex-girlfriend. He said he found me very interesting and attractive and female and that he felt very attracted to me and that the physical way might be an option. He wrote it more poetically and open.
My summary above doesn't sound that nice like he wrote it. Actually I had to cry when I read his words because I saw that for quite a long time I was missing this appreciation of being a woman and a woman with sexual feelings.
In my former relationship we acted more like friends or rather he treated me more like a sister. Like I said he is a very creative and lovely guy and I appreciate him a lot but I wanted and wished something that just wasn't. We both didn't speak it out and he took more and more his distance and I wasn't able to make a proper cut. Anyway...
So Mr X's simple massage brought up a lot in me and I had to cry. It was very relieving! It was like a wall broke down. I felt like me again and that I could also be very open with him.
In this moment I could let go of many things and confirmed to myself: no compromises in sense of my wishes anymore! If it matches go for it, if not leave it.
I wrote back to Mr X very open and let him know that I had my things as well, that I just moved house and separated from someone etc. And actually I could see that we won't match for a relationship. Our aims were too different. And I didn't have this sparkle of "I might fallen in love" when we met. But I could feel the physical desire between us.
So let's see how it goes...
It comes how it should come
I'm very thankful for this encounter and his open words. I'm really relieved and have a much clearer picture of what is really important for me in sense of relationships and in life in general. It's like a mask fall down or like I mentioned a wall broke down...
So I'm fine with every path I'll take with him or without him.
It is impressive how fast things can change in life and things which are important and took energy suddenly disappear when we change our thoughts and perspective or just something happens that opens us.
Thanks for reading my story and being part of my journey!